Heading into our weekend lunch/movie plans I was a bit apprehensive. A week of getting closer to you yet gaining no clarity on what "we" are was starting to wear on me a bit. You also didn't seem to be as excited about us seeing each other as you normally were. As always, I didn't know how to interpret that. I also wasn't bubbling over with my usual excitement about seeing you, mostly because it was starting to feel similar to Russian Roulette. I'm never quite sure if the conversation is going to spin off into a direction that leads to things I don't want to hear.
Before I left to meet you I sent a txt to RoZim hinting at this. And she responded in a way that put things in perfect perspective:
"Dude. Change the attitude. You are going to see your dream girl!"
I guess that's what I hate most about being in this position. I can't let myself be as happy as I normally would be, can't let myself get too carried away with it... because it's totally undefined.
Later that night, after I had yet another nice evening with you (and was once again goaded into telling you something I so wanted to, but so wanted to keep to myself... that you are, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful women I've ever personally known) I got another text from her as we were discussing the great people in our lives who had "gotten away".
(This was especially funny because she has been my confidant in everything with you, knowing every detail, even many things that you don't... until you read this)
"Have you ever met someone that you massively liked. And you talk to them and found the conversation to just... flow. The laughter comes and it's genuine and everything is just... fun?"
Uh, yes, I think I'm in touch with that emotion. :)
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